Anonymous writes:
"Say you and a person you don't particularly like got into an argument.Now I know that I am suppose to love my enemies so I don't want the argument to go on and start offending him/her. But how can I stop the argument without being rude or arrogant sounding. I've played over every imaginable type of way to stop an argument but none of them seem to do it. (The friend I am arguing withis an unbeliever, and Christianity is most likely the thing we will bearguing about.)"
Dear anonymous,
Every relationship is unique; yours is, no doubt, unique as well. The dynamics of your relationship with this person play a large roll in how you should respond to him or her. I'm going to make a few guesses as to those dynamics based on the description you've given. First, I know you "don't particularly like" this other person; second, I know that this person is argumentative, and particularly likes to argue with you (knowing you are a Christian) about Christianity. That's my profile.
From that profile, I can guess some of the other relationship dynamics. Now, these are just guesses, but I suspect something like what I'll write below describes your relationship. Some people like to argue. It's a way for them to get attention or respect. Religious people care deeply about what they believe in, and Christian religious people care deeply about others, because they worship the Savior -- i.e. because what we believe in is Love outpoured for the sake of other people, we care about others. It doesn't take a rocket scientist to know that grilling a Christian is a good bet if you want to get attention by arguing. I suspect this other individual is of that type. He / she likes to argue (for whatever reason), and they've picked you as good target because your passion for God and compassion for people leaves you wide open. This doesn't make them a "bad" person completely. Who knows why they like to argue? Perhaps they have few friends. Perhaps the Holy Spirit is tugging on their heart-strings, or providentially ordering an encounter with you. What it does likely does mean is that you're not in a situation where Christian Truth is up for grabs in shutting the argument down or moving to a more productive mode of discourse. You're in a situation where the other person needs or wants a friend, and argument is their primary way to get it.
So, what do you do? I suggest loving honesty is the best policy. Next time you're with this person, without anger and in a way firm but open, make it clear that you're happy to talk about Christ, but that you're not going to try to prove Him or put Him to the test through argument. Then follow through with it. If the other person insists on being a jerk (and, if you've in kindness refused to argue, then the other person is being a jerk if they insist on making things hostile!), then firmly tell him / her that you're not going to argue, invite them to church, and tell them they know where to find a friend if they want one. Then leave it be. Being firm like this isn't being unkind or un-Christlike -- it's simply offering to move the discussion in to more productive terms, and then letting the other person whether they'll have it on those terms or not.
That's my opinion. Pastor Mike?
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1 comment:
I have only two things to add.
Firstly, I would encourage you to consider carefully who this person is in relationship to you. In the question, you've called this person someone "you don't particularly like", an enemy, and a friend. Now, obviously we're to respond in love regardless, but the way in which we perceive a person affects how that love might be expressed.
Secondly, don't feel like, when you're talking about Christianity, that you've failed if you don't "win" the argument. I still have yet to hear of any nonbeliever becoming a Christian because they had lost a debate with a Christian. Jesus Christ is not of this world, and following him doesn't always make rational sense. Be honest. If you feel stuck and unable to answer a question, just admit that you don't have all the answers. There's no shame to be had in that.
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